what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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