You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
