Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
