it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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