I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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