I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
