how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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