Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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