Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
