the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
