right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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