How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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