he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have fence marks all over my body
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
