I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
