He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
