So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
