I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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