Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
