Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
