he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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