I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
