dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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