her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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