I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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