my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize