I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
