ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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