I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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