I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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