I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
