3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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