why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
