Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
