I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are the jesus of drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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