dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
