I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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