just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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