Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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