Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I understand Curling. That high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
