Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
