I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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