dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
