Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
