i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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