he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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