he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
