I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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