I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize