EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
