i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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