the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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