I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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