it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
