When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am one with the molecules
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
