i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
