Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize