I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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