im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
should my penis look like a turkey
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
