we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize