i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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