I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
