You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
