her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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