I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
